every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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