He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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