Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
