So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
