Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
false alarm. still invincible.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
