I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
