today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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