Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
