So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
