But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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