i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
