I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
