oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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