then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
