Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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