a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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