when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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