So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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