Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
