he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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