So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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