we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
