We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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