hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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