So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
