On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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