Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
