Old men and throwing up are my life now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
