so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
