I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
