I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
