I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
