p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
