Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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