Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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