when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
