i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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