he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
