Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
