You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
