the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
