Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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