I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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