my sisters under your porch take her home
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
