laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
