did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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