If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
