covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
