I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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