she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
