Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
