I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
