Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
