my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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