she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
