puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
