Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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