I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
