you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
