your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
