Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
