i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
