Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
