wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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