i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I touched a dick in church today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
