My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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