so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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