Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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