dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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