I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
