and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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