i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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