so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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