I wish I only lived at night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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