I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
